I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
