Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
