Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
