non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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