I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
