The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
