Ketchup is God's man juice
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
