..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
