Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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