We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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