you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
