All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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