I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
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Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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