I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You may now shotgun with the bride
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
