i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
