Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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