It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
