I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize