So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
