im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
