You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
