New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she told me i tasted like america
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
just found out that she named her cat after me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
