I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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