Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
