so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm just crazy horny about you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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