He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My feet surprised me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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