its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
