I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
