He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
