She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
