Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
