so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
