3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
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I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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