if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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