On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
