it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I AM VODKA MAN
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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