my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
