You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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