8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
