Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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