Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
