hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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