I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
how drunk are you?
Several
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
