Pappa wants mamma naked
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
