why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
