my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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