I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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