Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
