So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
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Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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