Quick, to the slutcave!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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