Life is so much better after having sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
