how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
