She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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