I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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