I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
