He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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