He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
