you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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