How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
