What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
