Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
