I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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