Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
