so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But we have bathrooms and they dont
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
