saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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