It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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