OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
