My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
