I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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