Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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