1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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