i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
