Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
