I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
