I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
