No awkward lesbian experiences without me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
