I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
