I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
