I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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