I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
