i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
