Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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