I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
